


The Reason

by montgomerysspawn



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice
Genre: F/M, addek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29607444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montgomerysspawn/pseuds/montgomerysspawn
Summary: What if at the end of PP 2x13, Addison finds Derek in Wyatt's office? Progression of Addison Derek's relationship to Hoobastank's "The Reason."
Relationships: Addison Montgomery & Derek Shepherd
Kudos: 4





	The Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, besties! I'm clowning again. I had this plot of Derek appearing in Private Practice instead of Archer, but I've haven't had that much time so I decided to just turn it into a one-shot.

I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you

Addison continued to straighten the non-existent wrinkles on her short navy-blue dress as she walked through the halls of Pacific Wellcare Center, the rival practice to their practice (and is conveniently settled on the floor beneath them). Normally she would come down there to come face-to-face with other doctors concerning patients (the patients that they steal, to be exact) but tonight, its certainly not the case at all.

She took a deep breath as she stopped in front of Wyatt Lockhart’s office, she had already built him up as an arrogant and heartless human being inside her mind but her dinner with him in the hospital cafeteria has proved her completely otherwise. Everything he thought about him changed as soon as she realized that they had a lot in common – divorced, not happily, just divorced and considered as still bitter. After that dinner, he had offered her a date but she turned him down. At that time, she was still thinking about who should she choose, Mac or Cheese? Completely different or a sense of familiarity? Kevin or him? Those thoughts however have ended, she knows who she’s choosing. Like what she said, he had made her feel something she hasn’t felt in months. A hint of possibly new love. It’s familiar at some points but it’s also different. Wyatt for her would be new, Wyatt is…

Gone. She stopped as she opened the door to his office, facing a different face instead of what she was expecting. So much for starting something new when now she’s facing someone from her past. Her history, actually. A dead love story that she plans on keeping dead.

“Derek.” She breathed, looking pointedly at the dreamy neurosurgeon in front of her. “What are you doing here?” She muttered through gritted teeth.

“Well you would know if you bothered to answer anyone of my phone calls.” He looks up from the file that he was reading, smiling smugly at her.

“Things around here are busy and besides, why would I be answering phone calls from you? It’s not like we’re friends and as far as I know, you’re one to talk. The last time we lived across the country from each other, you did the same thing.” She answered snappishly, she was expecting him to make some comment about her sleeping with his best friend; but he didn’t, instead, his faced softened. Clearly hurt by her saying that they weren’t even friends.

“Okay, Derek, what are you really doing here? And why are you in my boyfriend’s office, reading a file.” She asked Derek confidently, completely leaving out the fact that Wyatt wasn’t really hers, just about to be if it wasn’t for her ex-husband appearing out of nowhere.

“Your boyfriend? Wyatt Lockhart is your boyfriend? Wow.” He chuckled amusedly, making sure to leave the jealousy that was building up inside him out of his voice.

“What’s so funny?” She raised her eyebrow at him as Derek continue to laugh.

“Well, your boyfriend ran across the country for a pharmaceutical trial with no sign that he’s ever gonna come back. Which brings me here, William White, the owner of this practice referred me to Charlotte King and I accepted. I’m taking over his place.” He smiled triumphally before placing the file on the table, walking over to the door, walking towards Addison.

She stepped back as he got closer to her, she was furious that he invaded him here – in her place. The place that she walked towards to, to get away from him and the life that they had. But more than anything, she’s confused. Why would Derek choose a practice over bloody surgeries? 

“That still doesn’t answer my question, Derek. You’re supposed to be in Seattle, with your twelve-year-old or that wide-eyed nurse that you were dating the last time I was there.” She crossed her arms to her chest, she stopped from moving; her and Derek were standing close to each other now.

“Addie.” He said softly, knowing that if she’s furious at him, calling him by the nickname that he made for her would make her less mad. “I’m guessing you haven’t heard the latest gossip around the medical community, haven’t you?” 

“I don’t listen to the gossip around the medical community.” She shrugged passively.

“Really? You?” He chuckled. 

“Well if you were the one who spent a whole year, maybe two actually, hearing gossip about yourself and how you’re such a terrible person then you’d know why. One thing I learned about our relationship, is to avoid the things that hurt you the most. I did with you and Meredith, I did it to the medical community, I did it to Seattle. And sadly, I was doing it to you before you popped out of nowhere. Do you know how hard it was to throw away the Italian sheets with the paisleys? I didn’t throw them away but still, now even our favorite sheets, I have to avoid because I don’t want to feel hurt anymore. And, and…” She rambled. “…and now, I’m oversharing to my ex-husband that popped out of nowhere. I have to get out of here.” She sighed and started to walk away from Derek.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly as he jogged towards her. “About New York, about Seattle, about the prom and about the divorce. And if it makes you feel better, I’m sorry about the Italian sheets too. I regret everything that happened between us. Addie, I’m not a perfect person and neither are you. I, uh, I just. Will you talk to me for a second?” She brushed him off, pretending not to hear him. “Stop walking and talk to me please.” 

“No.” She said firmly as she entered the elevator, Derek in tow. She was about to push the button to their practice, but he beat her to it and immediately pushed the stop button.

And so, I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know  
I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be

“What do you want from me, Derek?” She asked, echoing the words that he said on that unfortunate day at Seattle Grace’s catwalk.

“I want you to talk to me, I need you to talk to me.” He said as he reached for her hand and stopped her from pulling the stop button. “There’s a lot of things that I need to say to you that I never got to say because I was angry towards you and Mark, but now I’m ready to say them to you. Just give me a chance. Please, Addie.”

“Derek, whatever it is, let it pass and go back to Seattle. Richard needs his McDreamy, not Shadow-Shepherd.” She said coolly, cringing when she mentioned Seattle Grace’s nickname for her ex-husband.

“I can’t just let whatever this is pass, Addie and besides, I can’t go back to Seattle. I already told Richard that I quit and I have no plans on coming back, but if I do, I promised him that I’d bring you with me because I’m not leaving LA unless you’re with me.” He offered her his dreamiest smile, hoping that it would work on her, but she’s Addison. She’s not a twelve-year-old that gushes over Derek’s smile.

“If you can’t go back to Seattle then go back to New York, instead.” She said, trying to fight the urge to accept his offer. They’ve hurt each other too much for a lifetime and she’s not risking it.

“I can’t. I gave you the Brownstone, remember? I have nowhere to come home to.” He reasoned.

“Then go home to your family or if you want, I can give you the keys to the Brownstone. I’ve already went there to take the things that I need, I have no reason to come back, you can have it.” She hesitated before continuing. “I have some of your clothes though and the wedding book.”

He softened upon hearing her revelation, truth be told, he held on to something that Addison owned; it must be because she was in a rush to leave his trailer before the divorce that she didn’t notice leaving her favorite cardigan but a part of him also knew that she probably left it there on purpose because he was the who gave that to her. It was the only gift that he’d bought her in Seattle, it wasn’t very Addison but ever since she got it, she insisted that it was her favorite cardigan. She even made it to a point to wear it every morning while waiting for him to finish showering.

“I can give you the keys to the Brownstone.” She said, cutting his thoughts. 

“Addie, no.” He stammered as he was brought back to reality, Addison has also taken the opportunity and pressed the button to her floor as the elevator began to move again. “I’m staying in LA, for you and for me.” 

“I don’t want you to stay, Derek.” She removed her hand from his and fiddled on the strap of her dress, immediately missing the warmth of his hand.

“Give me a chance, Addison. I know I’m relatively late, but I know that its not too late to say that I still love you. Let’s fix this. Try again with me, Addie?” He tried to take her hand again but she shrugged him off.

“We’re beyond repair, Derek.” She muttered, her pale blue-green meeting his bright blue eyes. “We’ve tried and failed; we even got a divorce. Remember? You were there and you were gloating over the fact that you’re free from me.” 

He couldn’t say that what she said wasn’t true because it was but it hurt, it made him feel stupid. And he can’t blame her, even if she’s hurt him, he has hurt her more. She may have broke the promise of fidelity, but he broke more; he broke the promise to love and cherish, in goodness and in bad (because he walked away), in sickness and in health (he was barely there for her so for sure he wasn’t there to take care of her, but she was there when he needed her), hell, he even broke till death do us part. What they promised together was till death, not eleven-plus years but he gave up on that. She was fighting but he gave up.

The ding of the elevator cut off his thoughts and just as Addison started to leave the elevator, he grasped on her arm. “I was angry about New York. I wasn’t even thinking. At that point, I was just being petty towards you. And about the prom, Meredith, Christmas I’m sorry. You were ruined in my mind and I wanted a breath of fresh air from me and I chose the safe option. You’re a strong woman, Addie and you don’t need me. With you, everything was a battle and I was scared. I didn’t choose you and now I’m here and I’m sorry. I’m sorry than you could possibly imagine. But at least I’m talking about it.”

“I’m a sink with an open drain, Derek.” She once again echoed his words before walking away from him, disappearing through the halls of her practice, her place. 

Derek was left in the elevator. He didn’t run after her, but he also knew that he’s not letting them end in that way. He’s not letting her commit the same mistake that he did when she was there for him. It can’t be too late; he doesn’t want it to be too late. A part of him knows that there’s still a chance, but a part of him is also scared of what would happen. He threw away his life in Seattle for her. (To be fair, she threw away all of her life for him, not just a part of it. She threw away everything and he knows it.)

A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you

For the next six weeks of his arrival, Derek has created a plan. In spite of Addison trying to send him away back to Seattle, he didn’t back down. In every seven days of the week, he would do something special for her; he once went to her house and brought her favorite pizza (it wasn’t successful, she shooed him to Sam’s house); he has tried to lock her with him in the elevator, but all the times he did that, it failed; he tried to woo her with a high-profiled case and that one worked, they ended up going out for a date that night (to her, it was a work-related dinner but); then there were those days that he’d come up to the practice with tulips and lunch for her. Today was one of those days.

“Hey, you’re right on time.” Cooper greeted him as he came out of the elevator. Derek checked his watch – 12: 30 PM – for him it was late, but it’s Addison’s schedule. 

“It’s good to see you, Cooper.” He smiled at the man; Derek is considered as an everyday guest to the practice now. “Where is she?” He asked Cooper as they exchanged positions; he left the elevator, while Cooper got in to go to Charlotte.

“To where you always find her during her lunch break.” The other man chuckled as the elevator doors closed.

With that, Derek started walking towards Addison’s office. She doesn’t eat lunch; he knows that and that’s why he has taken it upon himself to become her daily food delivery guy. And like all the days that he went up to the practice, he saw her in the same position; she’s looking at patient files, without a care in the world. She looks tired but she doesn’t seem to care and he doesn’t judge. 

“I haven’t told him yet, Nae. Just like when you came here with a box of chocolates. Derek can wait, it’s my turn to be petty.” She immediately barked as Derek knocked on her door, not even looking up from the file that she was skimming through.

“Haven’t told me what?” He asked as he walked towards her desk, sitting on one of the chairs in front of her.

“Derek.” She breathed, looking up at him. Completely caught off guard. “I, uh, I was just…” She trailed off, not knowing what to say. She was honestly hoping that she could be the one to buy him lunch today, but he beat her to it. For the weeks that Derek was there, he changed. He went from the indifferent husband in Seattle to the most attentive suitor in LA. And though she doesn’t know if she can fully trust him yet, she was willing to take the risk.

“I bought us two boxes of pork fried rice, one for you and one for me, of course. Oh, and I brought a box of dumplings for the both of us, I know you like them and I was hoping that you’d share them with me.” He placed the food on her desk, sensing the tension in her ex-wife.

“Thank you, Derek.” She smiled appreciatively as she took out the box of pork fried rice.

“So…” He trailed off.

“So, what?” She raised her eyebrow at him as she reached for the metallic spoon in her desk drawer.

“What is it that you haven’t told me yet?” He looked in her eyes, like really looked. He had a feeling that she might not tell him so he was willing to use the next best thing, reading what she feels through her eyes. Unfortunately for him, Addison has become a hard read now.

“It’s just…” She gave him a hesitant smile before continuing. “When you first came here, you asked me if we could try again and initially, my answer is no but with you being here. Trying to woo me not by being McDreamy, but the Derek that I love. I guess my answer has changed. I, uh, I want us to try again.”

“Really?” He asked, he already knows the answer but he wants to hear her say it again.

“Really.” She nodded as he walked over to her. “But I do have some things that I want to get straight with you first, just a few conditions---”

He cut her off by softly molding his lips with hers. She responded in kind and wrapped her arms around his neck, continuing to kiss him slowly but also deeply. She was still hesitant about this, but the feeling of his lips on hers was just good enough for her. Even if she wants to pull away, she doesn’t and he’s thankful.

“Anything. Whatever it is.” He said breathlessly as he pulled away from kissing her.

She looked straight in his eyes, full of hope. “Let’s not do the things that we did in Seattle, or in our last year in New York. I know its too much to ask, but I just don’t want to hurt anymore. The divorce already tore me apart and we’ve already hurt each other too much. Promise me this time we’ll actually try, no reservations.” 

“Addie, believe me, we’re not those people anymore. We’ve already lost enough when we lost each other and I don’t want that to happen again. And LA will be our brand-new start. I know that you went here to get away from me, but I want to be here for you now. You’re starting over and I’m starting over, so I was thinking that we should do it together.” He cupped her cheeks and rested her forehead on his. “And I know you’re scared; I am too but I’m not leaving. I already left Seattle and I’m not going back there because the reason why I left is to be with you so if I’m not going to be with you, I’m not leaving. No questions, no reservations. I promise. We’re in this together, okay?”

Her eyes met his eyes and said, “Okay.” She reached for something on top off her desk and took his hands to put it there. “I want you to have that, don’t lose it.” She said.

“Addie, are you sure?” He smiled as he opened his palms; they were keys to her California beach house.

“I’m sure.” She smiled before wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. He immediately reciprocated by wrapping his arms around her. They were too entranced by each other that they didn’t notice that people were bundled from the kitchen, looking at them. From other people’s eyes they were just hugging, but Naomi knew what it meant, they were Addison-and-Derek once again. With the look in their faces as they held each other gave it away and she couldn’t be any happier for her best friend, she finally got her new beginning.

I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know

Months after they got back together, they were already back to their old habits; waiting for each other to come home (no one lives without the other, that’s the advantage of working a floor apart from each other); they’ve successfully become aware of each other’s schedules – especially now that they both work in a practice – there wasn’t a surgical board to check each other’s schedule so they had to learn it by heart and by really listening to each other; they go out on dates (sometimes fancy, but most of the times they just sit by the beach with a bottle of merlot and Chinese food); then there were those days that they’d yell at each other for the smallest details. 

They’ve survived monthly anniversaries, (very unwanted) Anti-Addison visits from the Shepherd family and even Bizzy’s grand reveal. Things were good – scratch that, things were great between them but they’re Addison-and-Derek. They wouldn’t be each other if they weren’t yelling or fighting once a week. 

This time though, something really is bothering Addison and Derek wants to know. She’s just pushing him away. Again, like he first came to LA. This point in time, she actually wishes that the Derek with him was McDreamy. She wanted him to leave her and not fight because she’s already fought enough and with the Derek beside her, she’s sure that he’d find a way to be optimistic and she doesn’t want that. 

“I just don’t get it, Addison! We’ve been great, why are you all of a sudden not sure if we should be together?” He asked her from outside the bathroom, she had locked herself in there as Derek pulled off a marriage proposal for her.

“You won’t get it, Derek. You just…” She trailed off, fighting back the lump in her throat. “You just won’t!” She yelled back at him from the bathroom counter.

“Then make me get it. Tell me what it is so we can talk about it.” He said gently as he tried knocking on the door.

“Just leave it alone. Leave me alone, please.” She pleaded, tears falling down her cheeks and she hadn’t noticed them yet.

“Honey, come on. We’re in this together, remember? I promised and you promised.” He pleaded back to her. 

“You don’t want to marry; you just think you want to marry me again but you don’t.” She said, trying to convince him (and herself too).

“You don’t know that.” He said gently. “Honey, please, open the door so we can talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you.” He tried moving the doorknob but it was locked from the inside.

Addison took a deep breath before hesitantly opening a small portion of the door open. “You’re not going to physically remove from our house if I tell you? Because it’s raining right now and I’m getting déjà vu.”

He half-heartedly chuckled over this, her and Addison has learned to take what happened in the past lightly. They joke about it; they’ve even decided to be friends with Mark. Mark has visited both of them in LA multiple times and is even being persuaded by both of them to relocate. Just like Derek had said, the three of them could reign in St. Ambrose as the Triple B Threat: Brains, Babies and Boobs.

“I won’t.” Derek fully opened the door and pulled Addison in his arms, she immediately relaxed to him and sobbed uncontrollably in his chest. “It’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m not going to leave.” He murmured in her hair, trying to sooth him.

She looked up at him, her tear-filled eyes met his eyes. “I can’t have kids, Derek. I have a low chance of conceiving and I just…” She sniffed, trying to fight back from breaking down. “I’ve always wanted to have a baby with you, I still do but there was never a right time. But now here we are, we’re in a good place, we have a great house, and we both have great jobs and I don’t know if I can give you a baby. I want to give you a baby, Derek. I…” But she cut herself off mid-sentence because everything dissolved into sobs.

“Addie…” He started while he rubbed circles on her back, trying to think what to say.

Truth be told, he didn’t expect this and it broke him. But not because of himself, it was because it was unfair to Addison. She has dedicated her life to laboring mothers and sick babies. It was like God was playing a sick joke on her and it made him sick – Addison has made a lot of mistakes and so has he, but his life was getting better. A part of him knows that Addison thinks that this is karma for everything that happened but he doesn’t want her to feel that way.

“Addie, look at me.” He gently cupped her face so she would look at him. “I’m not asking you to marry me to have a baby, I’m asking you because I love you and you’re right. We’re in a good place and right now it feels right to finally ask you to marry me again. To be honest, I also want to have a baby with you but it doesn’t matter right now. We can build a family, whether through conception or adoption. Do you know what matters to me?”

“No, what?” She sniffed.

Derek wiped some tears away from her cheek. “You, you’re the most important matter for me right now. Addie, with or without a baby, we’ll be a family. Always have, always will. Besides, I’m sure one of my sisters would go crazy with all the children that they have, we can always steal from them.” He joked and she gave him a small smile.

“I guess so.” She uttered quietly. 

“So, is that a yes to the marriage proposal?” He asked, giving her his best ‘Derek’ smile.

“Yes. Yes, it is. I’ll marry you again.” For the first time that night, she smiled widely with full happiness.

“Good because I’m not planning on letting you go. Not now, not ever. You’re so worth it.” He murmured as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

++++++++++++

“Oh, you’re so worth it. You’re worth the wait.” Addison cooed in the at the baby in her arms. She was full of glee, almost euphoric; she felt like flying. 

“That’s right, sweetie. You’re worth the wait.” Derek met his wife’s eyes and smiled. “You’re both so worth the wait, I’m happy I waited.”

Shortly after getting engaged, Addison and Derek got married. It was nothing like their first wedding; with the only people there being Amelia and Mark, they got married in a hospital chapel. An idea that Charlotte was initially opposed too but eventually gave into, especially considering that both of the surgeons has brought in a lot of fortune to her hospital. The whole celebration was intimate, even the reception; Addison had suggested to invite the Shepherd family and Archer but Derek said no to that, they ended up celebrating with their friends from the practice (and Mark and Amelia) in their California beach house. 

In spite of all the memories, they decided to celebrate their honeymoon in New York. They both expected it to become a terrible experience, especially considering the last year that they spent there together but surprisingly it wasn’t. Both of them didn’t bother on getting a hotel since they had a Central Brownstone, they spend two weeks of bliss there; admittedly, they spent most of their honeymoon in the bedroom but there were times that they went out on walks; they went to the place where their eyes met over the cadaver, they even brown bagged at the top of the Empire State Building. Addison of course insisted on looking through viewfinders before they leave (in her defense, it’s been a long time since she’s been in New York and it didn’t matter because he actually found it endearing).

To sum it all up, New York had been great for them but it got better four weeks after they got back to LA. Addison started having daily morning sickness, she had weird cravings (Derek tried all of the food that she’s eaten and he had said that they were actually disgusting) and of course, the inevitable mood swings – Addison was pregnant and her end Derek were ecstatic. Not only did they finally had closure with New York, they also brought home a gift.

And now, eight months later, the two of them are sitting together in Addison’s hospital bed; both admiring the redhead little man – he had his father’s eyes, Addison said but Derek reminded her that babies’ eye color are the one’s that change as they grow up – Christopher Markus Shepherd is finally with his parents.

“How do you think would Mark react when he finds out that not only, he’s our son’s godfather, but we named Topper after him?” Derek chuckled as he tried to think about his best friend’s reaction. He’s already expecting him to gloat, actually, he’s sure that he’d be gloating and run around the hospital proudly. 

Before the two of them got remarried, Mark finally accepted the offer to relocate as a wedding gift for the both of them. The unspoken truth is that he has missed his two best friends so he chose to go after them, with his girlfriend, Lexie Grey in tow. Addison and Derek immediately loved the young doctor, despite the fact that she’s a Grey and they’re the Shepherds.

“I think he’d take him out of our arms and parade him around the hospital.” His wife chuckled, cutting into his thoughts.

“I was actually thinking the same thing.” He agreed with her before turning back his attention to their son. “Hey, look at Topper, he looks exactly like mommy. He has mommy’s hair color.” He cooed to his son.

“He may have mommy’s hair color, but he’ll definitely inherit daddy’s famous Shepherd hair. Am I right, honey?” She looked over her husband to meet his eyes and smiled.

“You’re absolutely right, honey.” He smiled at her adoringly before leaning in to kiss her softly.

They continued to smile at each other as he pulled away. Only moving when their son started gurgling. “Honey, I think Topper wants kisses from Daddy too.” Addison smiled before handing their son to Derek.

“Let’s see what we can do with that.” He uttered before leaving kisses to his son’s little cheeks, forehead and nose; Addison was looking at him lovingly, her hand caressing his shoulder and her chin resting on his other shoulder. Derek has completely changed for her and with her, he’s also sacrificed for her and with her. And she couldn’t be any happier than she already is. Her and Derek had the type of love that she’s always wanted. They were right for each other. They were Addison-and-Derek.

“Thank you for staying.” She murmured as her lips brushed his cheeks softly.

He faced her and kissed her forehead sweetly. “You’re the reason I stayed. Thank you for giving me a reason to stay.”

A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you


End file.
